Life is short. Knowing who to cut out of your life is going to save you so much time and energy.
The number one source of stress is typically one’s interpersonal relationships. From your relationship with your family members, relationship with friends, relationship with romantic partners, relationship with coworkers, relationship with those on the internet, etc. Yes, interpersonal relationships may also include those who aren’t your friends but you do know each other either online or offline.
Most of you today don’t have a large social circle but are active on social media where you may meet all sorts of characters. You don’t even have to acknowledge each other’s existence yet you could still have an impact on each others’ lives.
It’s crucial that we identify those who aren’t conducive to our well-being and stop them from taking our limited resources (time, energy) away from our goals.
Table of Contents
1. People who don’t support you
Do you have a goal or a dream you wish to accomplish? (You should) Then, stay away from the negative people who don’t support the pursuit of your goal(s).
To be fair, they may just be watching out for you because they don’t want you to get hurt.
But what I have found is that some people are simply negative. You have to contend with the possibility that someone may not support you because they don’t want you to do what is good for you.
You have to cut the negativity out of your life if you want to succeed. Of course, you can just unceremoniously spend less time with them or stop hanging out with them. You don’t have to give them an explanation, just focus on your goals.
2. Those who are upset at you when you’re making progress
Believe it or not, some people do get upset at you when you’re doing good things for yourself.
It’s often said that your biggest supporter is someone you don’t know and your biggest enemy is someone you know. It makes sense that we’d get more jealous of people close to us than someone who we don’t know well because the success of someone in our lives is more likely to be compared to our own than someone who isn’t in our lives.
Stay away from people who get upset at you when you’re making progress. They may try to prevent you from succeeding.
It is an ugly personality trait. I’ve encountered many such kinds of people. And it often baffles me because many of them don’t know me that well at all. Yet they may still be upset at any good progress I make in any area of my life. The panic they exhibit when they realized I’m working hard on my goals is the reason I choose to cut them out of my life.
Who wants to be surrounded by those who wish the worst to befall us and get upset at any good news we have of ourselves?
3. People who are passive-aggressive
Nobody likes passive-aggressive people. On that note, nobody likes aggressive people either, I’m sure I don’t need an explanation for why you should stay away from passive-aggressive or aggressive individuals.
There are many types of passive aggression. It can come in the form of a side comment that makes you think it’s aimed at you but no names were dropped.
For instance, someone can say, “Lol some people like to sleep until 9 AM on the weekend. So lazy” when they know that you sleep until 9 AM on the weekend.
Passive aggression is an indirect expression of negative emotion towards you. Anytime you find someone expressing negative sentiment towards you covertly, they’re being passive-aggressive.
Don’t be passive-aggressive back to people. Simply recognize what’s going on and choose to remove them from your life. You can do so subtly. You don’t need to grandly announce your departure from them.
4. People who give you mixed signals
There are several reasons why someone may send mixed signals to you:
- They like you but not too much
- They like someone else more
- They’re waiting to meet someone else they may like more
- They are genuinely too busy
There’s nothing worst than being confused about where someone stands in your life because you can’t quite let them go and yet you can’t get a definite yes from them.
If they really want you, you’d be dating right now. This is especially the case with men who are expected to be the pursuer. If he wants you, he’d ask you out. If he wants to talk to you, he’d talk to you. If he wants to hear from you, he’d text or call. If he likes you a lot, you wouldn’t be confused. If he’s serious about you, you’ll know. There’s no “maybe”, “too busy”, “too shy”, etc. Those are all excuses.
Don’t waste a lot of time and tears on a “maybe” person. It’s simple as that. Don’t make excuses for him. Move on to someone who is sure about you right from the start. It’ll save you a lot of headaches and you deserve a person who finds it easy and natural to love you.
However, I will say that sometimes “busy” is a valid excuse. For instance, right now I’m at a stage of my life where I just want to work on my businesses and not date anyone even though I have expressed some interest yet have to mentally push that possibility to the future. I often work 12–18 hours a day on my businesses. I really don’t have time for anyone.
In most cases though, “busy” is an excuse. It’s about priorities. If they are too busy for you, it means something else is more important to them at the moment. You are not obligated to wait around for them. I wouldn’t expect anyone to wait around for me because that would be cruel. Everyone should be allowed to move on if the person isn’t ready to be in a relationship. And when I’m ready, I’ll look for someone who is also ready (You can see why right person wrong timing is a thing but then again they can always prioritize each other if they are sure about each other).
I know it can be hard to think that someone may not reciprocate your feelings but looks aren’t the only thing that attracts a person if that’s any consolation. There’s personality, shared experience, habits, etc among many other reasons.
You need to wait for someone who just gets you, who just like you, no lukewarmness, no unsureness, no excuses, someone who likes you just as much as you like them. If everyone understand this concept there wouldn’t be sad love songs written or unspoken grief in tragic romance stories.
It’s very simple, if being with someone doesn’t feel as easy as breathing, they’re not right for you. If they like you as much as they should, you’ll feel it with all your heart, no doubts. If they like you, they’ll make it official pretty fast, they’ll know you’re the person they want to be with after the first date.
Cut out the people who give you mixed signals. It’s either they aren’t ready to date you right now or you aren’t who they want. This will save you so much headache and heartache. It’s best to move on and if fate could have it, maybe you’ll begin a romantic journey together when the time is right for both of you.
5. People who you sense don’t like you that much
We can’t expect everyone to like us. Doesn’t matter who you are, there’ll always be people who don’t like you yet many of those people who don’t like you may still act like your “friend”.
If you sense that someone doesn’t like you, steer clear. They may gossip about you behind their backs and pull you down any chance they get.
Each of us has personal experiences that may influence who we find to dislike. For instance, someone may have had bad experiences with people of a certain feature and they may find themselves disliking everyone who looks a certain way. We are all biased based on our experiences with people in the past. It’s important to not take it too personally when someone doesn’t like us. It’s also important that we identify such people to stay away from.
6. The people who have/had a shared crush with you
Not gonna lie, but this is the item on the list that inspired this blog post.
I don’t know if this applies to your personal life but think about whether there is someone else who also fancies/fancied the same person you do?
I know it sounds far-fetched but people have been killed for being in love triangles. And I’m not saying that you’re going to get killed for being in a love triangle (You could? Who knows? Hey maybe this blog post could end up saving someone’s life!) but I’m sure some of those people would like it if you stop existing.
These people can be passive-aggressive. They create a toxic environment online or offline. They are often patronizing and condescending. They may stalk you everywhere and obsessively observe any interaction you may have with their love interest.
Even though you may not like their behaviors you should understand why they do what they do. It can drive a person crazy when they have someone sending them mixed signals. They can’t move on because the person keeps sending them false hope. Their brains are preoccupied with the person and then they found out you may be the reason why they’re receiving mixed signals from the person they adore so of course, they wouldn’t like you.
Romantic relationships aren’t complicated if you truly engrain this lesson: if they want to, they would. If a guy likes you a lot, he’d quickly snatch you up without hesitation. With a girl, it’s the same, if she likes you, you’ll know. If you’re confused, they don’t like you enough. Women are a bit more flexible with who they may grow to love. If they don’t like you a lot from the start, they may still eventually cultivate a love for you. If a man doesn’t like you much from the start, it’d be pretty hard to get them to genuinely love you for a long period of time.
Don’t fight over any man. I don’t know why anyone would fight to be with someone who doesn’t want them that much. It’s better to wait for someone who likes you a lot from the beginning. No extra females. No small hints here and there. No games. Just a straight out “I like you, would you like to go out on a date sometime?”. A guy worth fighting for won’t put you in a place to have to fight over him. Don’t engage in drama. Don’t be passive-aggressive back with those girls. More problems can arise.
Merely observe and ignore. It’s childish and immature. I don’t know about you but I want no part in it.
I choose to stay away. And if this happens to you, you should stay away too.
Remember, there is plenty of fish in the sea. A person who truly wants you wouldn’t risk losing you. They’d cut out all other girls who would jeopardize their chance with you. Stay away from all the girls that he’s sending signals to. It’s best to stay away from him too because he’s a package deal. Those extra females are part of the package.
7. People who don’t have a goal
People who don’t have a goal may be quite aimless in life. These are the kind of people who would choose to party, do drugs, and get drunk on the weekends. Then, they’ll wake up on Monday, work a job they don’t like, and have no plan of doing anything more with their career.
You’re the average of 5 people who you hang out with the most. If you hang out with people who don’t have a goal, you’ll get nowhere.
It’s best to hang out with people who have the following traits:
- Are positive
- Working hard on their goals
- Like to talk about starting a business rather than people
- Are supportive
- Are kind
They should also be people you just like and get along with well.
8. People who keep pitying you unnecessarily
I know this is something that not many would talk about when considering who you should stay away from but it’s so important to stay away from people who pity you unnecessarily.
I have met quite a few people who pitied me extensively. And after cutting them out of my life I noticed just how much easier it is for me to be happy and confident. If I lived through so many years of my life not knowing the impact demeaning deliberate pities have on me I’m sure I can help some of you realize this too before you spend more years under their negative influence.
It doesn’t feel good to be on the receiving end of unjust pity. In fact, I’d feel belittled, disrespected, and patronized when someone does that to me.
It may have given them an ego boost when they do so but it’s incredibly egotistical and shellfish. They don’t consider how you may feel they only care about making themselves feel good by making you look bad.
I used to think that there was something wrong with me that I keep attracting this kind of people into my life. I even acted less reserved and quiet as I thought that was the reason but the same thing kept happening to me. At one point, I also thought that there was something wrong with me in the head for feeling uncomfortable with the behavior (Self gas-lighting).
It’s completely normal to not feel good when someone pities you or is patronizing and condescending towards you. You shouldn’t have to put up with it.
Some people may be put off when you express your discontent with their patronizing behaviors but it’s not your job to please everyone and sacrifice your mental peace for someone’s approval.
Cut these people out of your life and see your confidence rise and anxiety level drop significantly.
A few days ago, I ran into a video about an unrelated topic that interested me and the person casually mentioned how many of us tend to be quite patronizing and condescending when we have a crush on someone. Personally, I don’t think that’s the only reason but it does explain why my ex behaved in such a way to me. It didn’t end well. I couldn’t let my guard down as I was always feeling as though I had to prove something and I was miserable because it can be incredibly embarrassing when someone you have feelings for pities you unnecessarily. Ever since I stopped having feelings for him, I felt myself getting less irritable and more patient with my goals because I felt like I no longer have to prove anything to anyone. That’s always a nice feeling to have.
Now I have accepted the fact that I will receive random out-of-place pities from all kinds of people on all different matters once in a while. I’ll just remind myself that it may be due to the person not knowing what to do with the feeling of attraction they have towards me. It does offer me some solace amongst the suffering I guess. Who doesn’t like to be liked? Although I would prefer no demeaning pities in the first place.
If you haven’t experienced this, I know this probably sounds very odd to you but trust me, you really don’t want to experience any of that.
Final thoughts
So here we are, the 8 types of people you should stay away from. Remember your life is short, it’s better to be spent it on people who are good for your well-being rather than waste any time with those who aren’t good for your mental health.
